Making Friends After 80

How to Make Friends Over 80
I have seen how difficult it is to make friends up close and personal with many of my clients who are over 80. Making friends after 80 isn’t as easy as it may seem. Sure, they do not work and there are many senior friendly locations they can go. The truth is that many of the lonely ones are the ones that didn’t easily make friends when they were younger and really could benefit from them now. If they didn’t practice that socializing muscle in their youth finding the ability to do it over 80 is scary.
I spend a lot of time talking to seniors who report feeling lonely. They tell me that putting themselves out there has been difficult. They feel awkward and often have given up. So how do you teach the proverbial old dog new tricks? Well the tricks are not new but the old dog using them hasn’t had to do it. Let’s practice a few of them now.

Tricks –
1. Can you recall going to Kindergarten? The best book I recommend for a senior to learn to make friends is from the book, All I Ever Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten. Making friends is as easy as offering a cookie and some conversation.
2. Another great tip I recently learned from an active senior that was lonely, make a business card with your contact information. This will make it easier to introduce to complete strangers and helpful in making a connection.
3. Pay attention to other people’s needs. When you are lonely it is easy to get self-absorbed. With a little effort you may notice others sitting alone or doing something you would have in common. I can guarantee you that you are not the only one feeling alone. Take a chance by watching and approaching with caution.
4. Smile. The best way to allow someone in is simply opening yourself up to the opportunity. The first place to start is by smiling. This allows you to be approachable. You will feel better by the simple act as well. And you may not make a friend the moment you smile but you most certainly will not make an enemy.
5. Search for activities you genuinely like. You do not have to go to just 80 plus activities either.
a. I have learned that an 85 year old active skier still goes to the slopes to visit with others who love this sport as much as he does. People know his name around the hill and go out of their way to say hello and match him with others who are needing tips.
b. A former 90 year old school teacher decided to hang out at an activity center where people often read books. She would bring many that she had already read and offer them out. Many people, myself included benefited from her kindness.
c. A 97 year old female who had recently learned about texting on a smart phone hung out at the local senior center and walked her peers through texting.

How to Help a Senior Search for Long Term Housing

How to Help a Senior Search for Long Term Care Housing

Searching for housing at any age is both fun and stressful. Add in that you are also trying to think about the care and medical support you need. The stress can cause a family to be on edge. When a senior is searching for housing for a senior, the family’s own expectations about how it will go and what the senior needs may not align with reality. Many are inaccurate in what they are searching for when it comes to housing for the senior. So, what can you do to help out and get good results? I am so glad you asked, because this is where my expertise as a nurse and care manager and placement navigator come into play with good results.

  1. Perspective – First of all your senior once was young and active and didn’t need your help. They have quirks and things they like to do that you do not. This is okay. Many family members try to place their loved one in a location or building that they themselves would choose. Or the family member picks a location where they want the individual to “get involved”. As we age our world gets smaller and our desires can change. While some people thrive in a more active community, active communities are not for everyone. Bear that in mind when considering options for your family member. May I also suggest getting a specialist such as myself involved. Referral agents are experts at helping seniors find placement because they do this every day. They can help you along this path of change and decision making.
  2. Address Concerns – Ask your senior what concerns them. It is as easy as that. Are they afraid of the strangers? Are they afraid of being alone? Are they afraid of not being able to be alone due to all of the activities?
  3. Address Fears – If your senior is grumpy about this decision to move for care needs find out the root of the problem. Many times it boils down to the fear of the unknown. Even when someone wants to change or get help they are comfortable where they currently are and so bad is better than change sometimes. When dealing with moving a senior addressing their concerns, fears and challenges around moving can eliminate the barriers. Without the barriers change is so much more acceptable.
  4. Provide Real Support – As we age decision making is just not as easy. There is a lot more to factor in and many seniors get information overload impeding the actual decision to move. As a family member support is being literally along for the ride. Ask the questions they have, write them down and then review them together later.
  5. Provide the Gentle Push – When a decision is made there is a lot that needs to happen. Help the senior with paperwork, move planning (house sell, packing, estate sale), check-in. This is a major change and even for the better they really need you.

Local Restaurants that Are Senior Friendly

Local Restaurants that Will Turn a Senior’s Head

Seniors have done a lot to help make this world a better place. They deserve to be spoiled. I have learned that seniors are not always able to tolerate large spaces and lots of noises due to the natural aging changes that occur. So, if you want to turn a senior’s head think about the surroundings in the outing to consider their specific needs.

A great example of this is my mother in law. She is hard of hearing. If I were to pick a coffee shop to take her, I should consider the background noise and the ability of the shop to provide true conversation with her. I can mostly think of locations that will not work for her due to background music and poor absorption of noise. Legendary Doughnuts in Orting has a great back room where I could carry on a great conversation with her while sipping a latte and splurging on a maple bar the size of my shoe.

If I want to take her out for a meal I would avoid the popular locations that have lots of noise as she would turn off her hearing aid and conversation would be frustrating. While my mother is not hard of hearing, she too gets more distracted if there is a lot of noise and even lighting I have noticed can be difficult. I love having a nice lunch at British Bites in Puyallup to enjoy some quality motherly bonding. What makes it so nice is simplistic design, and adequate lighting. This reduces distractions and makes the seniors in my life so happy. Let’s face it after 40 I could use the less distractions for deep conversation myself. I deem the 2 locations I mention so far as Senior Friendly.

Let’s say there is an outing you really want to do with the senior in your life. Here are a few places I would recommend you dive in to seeing with that senior.

While doing the research for this article I will tell you that I had to think of the times I have senior my own elder mother laugh. I bought bubbles and we blew them on a sunny day on the Tacoma Waterfront. She loved it. We were able to ride the Seattle Ferris Wheel and I will say that as long as the line wasn’t too long (avoid week ends) then she enjoyed the simple ride. Parking for a senior that can’t walk well wouldn’t love it but they are currently renovating down there so hopefully senior friendly parking will pop up. Because a ferris wheel ride should bring most seniors back to their childhood memories. Below are some other options I tested with my own seniors and came out smiling.

  1. Legendary Doughnuts – Orting, WA
  2. British Bites – Puyallup, WA
  3. Daffodil Bowling Alley’s Restaurant – Puyallup, WA

What makes a location senior friendly? I am so glad you asked.

  1. Good lighting. Not too bright but not too dim. Vision for a senior is already impaired just from aging and the reduced function of the rods/cones in the eyes. The lighting is essential to make a location “senior friendly”.
  2. Noise control. Hearing tends to reduce as we age either from damage or normal signs of aging. So limited background noise allows a location to be senior friendly.
  3. Easy accessibility. If there are narrow walkways or steps then senior friendly a location is not.
  4. Patience when ordering. Whether is waiting in a line or ordering a location, it is only considered senior friendly in my book if they accommodate the wait. Seniors need more time to process menus and/or read instructions. The senior needs to have the time to adequately review instructions or menus. Meaning , you better be patient if you want my rating.
  5. Parking. The parking needs to be close by and there needs to be enough relative to the location that a senior is able to access even when busy. I am pleased to announce several locations scored well in this arena but then failed in most other criteria. Our seniors need to be able to park close enough that they aren’t worn out once they walk in a location. The smartest way to eliminate this as an issue is have >80 parking spots aside from handicapped. I love this idea but it hasn’t caught on. If you know of a place honoring our seniors in this way please share with me and I will be glad to share with the readers.